Yeah, nobody needs to tell me I suck at this......

Anyway, I've been having a pretty interesting couple of weeks.  First, there's this whole issue with these kids that are in trouble with the law, and other youth stuff too.  My job is NEVER boring, I don't think it ever could be.  But these last couple of weeks have just reinforced that time and time again!  This month I might find myself in court testifying on behalf of one kid, visiting prison, taking 9 crazy middle-schoolers to a retreat where I'll lead worship AND be involved in a skit dressed as an out-of-touch jr. high music teacher who teaches kids through song (SNL sketch, think people! ), sing in a community choir thing (more on that to come), chaperoning and accompanying at state music contest, chaperone prom, selling Krispy Kreme doughnuts, holding an auction to cut my hair, and attending various track meets just to name a few.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention that today was the first time perhaps that I truly feared for my life (other than one time in London when me and a buddy were innocently walking through this park and a bunch of people started coming out from behind bushes and started practically running towards us - FREAK OUT!).  No real details to share cause I want to protect the innocent, but long story short, this can sometimes be a dangerous (but EXCITING!) job!

More news: I got to conduct the community Easter cantata on Sunday because the director's mother-in-law had a massive heart attack while visiting family in Seattle.  It was fun, actually.  I had led at least a third of the rehearsals anyway so they were comfortable following me - and it's way fun to get in front of a performing ensemble again - though they were NOWHERE CLOSE to my choirs and bands at Oak Grove - and I had more fun at OG too.  But this was still fun.  And I got to sing in it too - so the best of both worlds!  It's kind of weird being here because I get asked to sing a lot - sometimes I feel like because of that and because of my job AND because this is a small town like every other and runs rampant with gossip that I'm on display without my consent!  Guess it's all part of the territory.

I got to see the OG concert choir sing on Saturday night in Bismarkck (I was also in town for state A speech - my kids took 5th in state after a somewhat disappointing final round, but still it's decent!).  It was good to hear them, didn't really SEE them because they were in some balcony thing behind a screen.  I miss conducting a lot, teaching basically, and interacting with all of them, seeing them learn and discover new stuff, and grow as people.  Sorry this is getting sappy.  I just really LUDGED the time I had at OG and miss it, though I know for sure that I He has me here in Beulah right now and I am being blessed through being here too.  I know He's working out His plan through every situation.

Not much else to report on.  Easter is this weekend - hope you've all seen The Passion by now, if not, there's no better time to do so!  It's crazy to think about the sacrifice Christ made for piddly little ME - and not just the physical sacrifice, could you even imagine the emotional and mental pain of that time?  I think that would've been TONS worse and a movie can't ever come close to doing THAT aspect of it justice.  I mean, to be abandoned by ALL of your close friends, the people you've spent all of your time with the last three years.  To see your mother see you die (I mean, if there's one thing that breaks my heart it's seeing my mom cry).  And all of this to happen just DAYS AFTER the same people who are crucifying you and calling you lower than death were the ones who laid palm branches on the road and sang "HOSANNA" while entering Jerusalem.  That is JUST CRAZY to me!  

Anyway, whew.  Miss you guys.   Let me know how you're doing whenever you can!  Christ died for YOU!

Philippians 2:3-11,

J <><

WOW - So I'm back stateside (I KNOW I promised to write more about my conference, etc. - sorry!) and I'm back to my "routine" job.  The weather here has been AWESOME - like 70 degrees or a little less so naturally I broke out the shorts and blinded people with my pasty white skin, haha! :) 

Anyway, last night was a pretty intense night for me - I ended up spending a good deal of time with this youth kid of mine who will be going to jail soon.  It's a pretty tragic story really - just got caught up in some stupid stuff and now will be paying with his time.  He's looking at being convicted of 3 felonies and 1 misdemeanor - pretty heavy!  So the kid hasn't been around much this year, but I still have tried to reach out to him.  I KNOW that I have failed often - I've been too self-absorbed sometimes and haven't tried hard enough.  It's hard to not feel somewhat responsible, as ridiculous as that sounds. 

It's seems weird to say this, but I totally feel that God is going to use this experience in Dave's life to totally make a change.  I think Dave could even become a pastor someday.  I know some of you might be skeptical (how could God ever USE him in THAT way?!).  Here's my thoughts I've come to though:

Consider two big Bible dudes - Moses and David.  We talk about both and we think positive things - I mean, Moses lead a whole NATION out of slavery for God's will and David wrote tons of psalms and is even described as "a man after God's own heart".  Still - both of these guys did MAJOR BAD STUFF in their time.  Moses murdered a guy and then burried him so he wouldn't get caught.  David essentially rapes this lady and then has her husband murdered so he can cover up his crime.  Still when we learn about them in Sunday school or when we study the LEGACY that they left, we are inspired and use them as positive examples, not negative ones.

I really was struck by this, just how God works IN and THROUGH our weaknesses to use us for HIS glory!  I mean, I haven't ever murdered or raped - and neither has Dave - and if God can use people that have done that in HUGE ways I know He can also use me despite all of the COUNTLESS times I've screwed up.  It's kind of encouraging, huh!  The Bible even says that God is the strength in our weakness.  Sometimes my own humanness and stubbornness cause me to lose site of what God wants to show me - I suppose that's when a big "whack" on the back of the head is needed to give me a wake-up call.  It's just awesome that He would still want to use me and through His perfectness He CAN use me to change the world - one life at a time! 

Hope this inspires you to keep pressing on - I know the experience has done that for me.  It's also holding me accountable to keep reaching out and not neglect people even when I think that God's not working in their life.  Pray for Dave, and for another kid, Brandon (who also just got sent to jail).  God could use both of them in big ways.  And pray for me too, these things are pretty emotionally draining and oftentimes discouraging (like, is anything I'm doing even making a difference?!).  Good thing I've got good friends and a family in Christ to get me through it!   YOU're very important to me.  Continued prayers and write back or call whenever - I'd ludge to talk to you!

I guess it's been a while.  Today, the 19th, I wanted to include an entry though.  Now, I KNOW that technically this will be sent on the 20th because of Xanga's time thing.......BUT #1 - I'm writing this BEFORE midnight mountain time (where I live), and #2 - I haven't gone to bed yet so it feels like the 19th still.

OK, so today was a pretty crazy day.  FIRST my car breaks down in THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE while I was trying to get to Jamestown for a funeral.......which I missed.  But then after I spent a couple of hours+ waiting for it to be fixed (turned out really minor, thank the Lord!!) I b-lined to Fargo to catch the last half of the Shiloh boys' bball game at the DOME (unforunately they lost).  Then afterward I chilled with my bro Mike most of the afternoon and all evening.

So today marks the 9 month anniversary of Philip's death.  It is weird for me to think about this: ENTIRE LIVES have been conceived of and born SINCE Philip has been dead - that whole 9 month thing.  I don't find myself missing him any less, and there are days that are harder than others.  Yet, I know God has worked through this situation and given me good life experience and, just as important, He's given me peace (that's grace, huh! ).  I need to get out to his grave sometime soon here, it's always hard, but it's also good for healing. 

Today, as in most of the "significant days" in Philip's life and death, I would have normally wanted to hide out, to be discreet and not see people since my mood tends to be pretty down or, in the least, weird.  It was totally a blessing today though - the whole thing.  First, I was encouraged by the genuine niceness of the people that fixed my car (even though one guy only had HALF A FACE - kind of creepy!).  Then, I got to see a couple of my old campers play at state b's.  THEN, I got to spend a lot of quality time with Mike.  I know that God brings people into our lives at JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT and that He uses us to touch other's lives and hearts in ways we could not imagine.  Another act of grace - and so overwhelming.  I know I don't deserve these people in my life, it just make me appreciate them even more.  You are SPECIAL!  

Make sure you are always telling the people you love how invaluable they are to you.  You never know when your last chance could be.  And make sure, above all, that you are allowing the Lord to work in and through you - it will make all the difference in your life.  More from me another time, I've still got lots to talk about! haha! :)

Peace out,

J <><

So I just took 30 of my youth group to see "The Passion" last night.  WOW.  It's kind of a neat story though - we got there and the 35 tickets we had reserved were nowhere to be found.  They had to basically "create" spots for us, but they accomodated since it was their mistake.  Everyone was really gracious about it too - and I was glad that I didn't "freak" like I sometimes have the tendency to do.  Before it all was happening I was just like "Lord, please help me to be a good witness of your love." and He totally did!!!   It's so weird to think that it doesn't really matter where you go but you could totally be Christ to someone else: I mean, your actions could totally be the only time that they even experience Christ - through someone else!  It's kind of scary too - I'm sure I've screwed things up in the past, been a bad example.  But that's where grace enters in I suppose.  Anyway, the movie.  EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE IT, NO EXCUSES!!  It is simply amazing.  I was glad it was so personal too - it's weird when I think about it like Jesus did this #1) FOR ME and #2) BECAUSE OF ME.  It really puts things into perspective - God gave up so much for me and I'm still failing Him everyday.  I know I don't deserve His love, but I'm thankful for it anyway and want to work to be a better example.  I think about all the times I've disappointed someone - I am going to try even harder to not do that, but even more importantly I have to BELIEVE that God CAN use me to touch other people if that's His will.  And I have to open my heart up to Him, to TRUST Him to have control of my life.  I think it's better when He's boss anyway, haha! :)  One more time: check out this movie, you will leave in awe.  How is your week going?  Let me know.  Peace out my friends.

J <><

Ephesians 3:14-19

Holy, You are still Holy

Even when the darkness surrounds my life

Sovereign, You are still Sovereign

Even when confusion has blinded my eyes

Lord, I don’t deserve Your kind affection

When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch

I want my life to be a pure reflection of Your love

And so I come in to Your chamber

And I dance at Your feet, Lord

You are my Savior

And I’m at Your mercy

All that has been in my life up ‘til now

It belongs to You

I belong to You

Holy, You are still Holy

Even though I don’t understand Your ways

Sovereign, You will be Sovereign

Even when my circumstances don’t change

Lord, I don’t deserve Your tender patience

When my unbelief has kept me from Your truth

I want my life to be a sweet devotion to You

And so I come in to Your chamber

And I dance at Your feet, Lord

You are my Savior

And I’m at Your mercy

All that has been in my life up ‘til now

It belongs to You

I belong to You

- You Are Still Holy, by Kim Hill